You're Welcome!

Well it’s taken a long time but finally I have completed contracts and bought a new house. I picked up the keys today – yippppeee!

It’s going to take a little while longer to make my house my home, there is lots of cleaning to be done and then we have to move in all our stuff that has been in storage for the past four months. I can’t remember everything I’ve put away, it’s going to be a bit of a surprise unpacking boxes.

I should be over the moon, shouting the news from the rooftops and all those other clichés but I‘m still tired from chemo last week and once more the emotions of such a big upheaval has completely overwhelmed me. Earlier today I was even on the verge of tears. It’s a big step moving forward, leaving the past behind and starting something new.

My first new purchase that I have put down is a door mat, it’s stripy and soft and very long, to be honest it probably doesn’t fit how I wanted it to but It is a sign to say you are welcome, come in, wipe your feet and make yourself at home. There is a little heart in the corner, a sign of love.

I do hope it is a happy home, I’ve already had lots of messages on Facebook wishing me well.

And I’ve met my new neighbours, the youngest of the 3 children said unprompted and completely innocently.

“I’m glad you’ve moved in. The last people were grumpy!”

I get the feeling my new house will soon feel like home with such a resounding welcome to the neighbourhood!

Wise Words on the Wall

I’m sitting typing my words in my parents’ conservatory. I’ll be moving out soon into my new house and I will need to find a new favourite writing spot but this one has served me well as I have got back into the habit of tapping my thoughts out on the laptop keys.

There are some wise words on the wall of this sunny room.

They resonate with the flash fiction stories I have posted about time over the weekend.

“To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.”

This has been an interesting season for me, moving, having major surgery, recovery, chemo – so much to take in and process. It takes time and I have tried to remain positive.

“Always look on the bright side of life.”

I don’t want to be gloomy.

The second quote is a song lyric is from The Life of Brian, an irreverent take on the life and crucifixion of Christ. And a song my dad has said he wants played at his funeral – actually I think it is a fairly popular choice being upbeat, life carries on.

But the first quote is from Ecclesiastes – possibly one of the most depressing books of the Bible with another quote being “Everything is meaningless.”

Solomon who wrote the words of Ecclesiastes was a wise king so how can he come out with such a bold depressing statement?

Personally, such a statement makes me want to rebel – just look at the sunshine, look at the flowers, the birds I see from the window just sitting here. Think of the good things going on in the world.

Ok sometimes we have to search harder to find the good stuff, you only have to turn on the TV to see news about supposedly meaningful votes and meaningless petitions – but let’s leave those thoughts remaining in a space far from here!

But Solomon has got it right we are dust and whatever you believe about what comes next out earthly bodies will decay.

Solomon takes a more balanced approach that there is a time for everything, a time to laugh and a time to cry, a time to build and a time to tear down.

Yes I can try to be as cheerful as I like in front of people, putting on my sunny smile, but my sadness is often private and rarely shared. I do remember tears as I lay in my hospital bed coming to terms with all that had happened in such a short space of time. Further back I remember the sleepness night when Andrew died, dark thoughts running through my head. Probably two of the darkest periods of my life.

But that’s not where I want to dwell and maybe it’s that tiny tablet I take each morning that keeps my thoughts in the positive. I know from experience when I stop taking them my thoughts can spiral downwards.

Mental health is such a big issue at the moment and we all need to acknowledge that even on the sunniest of days a little bit of shade will fall.

 We need to remember there is a time to talk and also a time to listen.

A time to look on the bright side but also a time to be real and challenge the status quo.

So many thoughts in my head and so much going on in the world but let’s just be kinder to each other in this season where much seems meaningless and perhaps together we can look on the bright and sunnier side of life!

New clothes

I follow various Christian organisations on Facebook and many are posting daily lent reflections. The Church of England has a produced a series of thoughts entitled Lent Pilgrim.

Today’s title is New Clothes and the reading comes from Colossians 3:9-15 focusing on the verse

“clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience…”

I must admit I haven’t signed up to the accompanying daily emails so I can’t tell you what they have to say but just the small verse above was very pertinent today as I took a collection of 30 coats from my church to a local collection point for a charity who will take them across to Calais and distribute them amongst the refugees gathered there living in the streets and under tarpaulins.

The coats have been kept in the main body of the church and most people have responded with amazing generosity.

However there are always some negative comments, I’ve not heard any personally but one older member of the congregation told me today that someone had complained to her about the messy pile and her reply was…

            “Are you warm?”

            The complainer nodded.

            “Well these coats are for people who are not as fortunate.”

Or words to that effect – I am so pleased people have taken to the cause and given.

So often we don’t know how to respond to the great disasters of this world. And there are plenty of things that have happened just over the past week in the world that make us weep, from the cyclone in Africa to the tragedy in New Zealand and Red Nose Day highlighting a whole range of issues including the rise of food bank use and starving children in our own country!

How do we respond? How can we help? Especially when the need is so far away beyond our reach. And if we give to something so remote we often wonder if it really reaches those who need it most.

I know many people who are stretched, or at least their finances are and there is only so much you can give and keep giving out.

But lent can be a time to look around and see what you don’t need and give it away.

After all just how many coats can you wear on your back?

And by giving an item of clothing away you are clothing yourself with all those good virtues listed above

compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience!

(not quite sure if patience actually fits in this instance but the others certainly apply.)

The passage in Colossians finishes with these wise words…

            “And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all purpose garment. Never be without it.”

Shh.... your flowers are sleeping

I’ve received some beautiful flowers over the last few months since my operation and through my recovery. They always make a wonderful gift.

But never has a box been delivered that slides through the letterbox.

And never haver they come with a note like this attached…

They are a gift from the writing group I used to belong to.

So I thought it fitting to write a poem as a thank you to these wonderful wordsmiths….

Shh…

your flowers are sleeping,

tightly curled up in their buds,

enfolded by their silky sheets 

         and fragrant dreams

Breathing in the air around

soaking up the sun

drinking dew drops on their face

          A new life begun!

Potential starts in tiny spaces

a word, or turn of phrase

leads you on a pathway

                             of imagination

to while away the days…

My flowers look beautiful now but they are still sleepy and once they wake up the blooms will be even more stunning – it said so on the box!

Throwing Glitter

I’m often asked how I keep so positive! Well at least I was asked the other day and I know some people wonder.

After all I have a sob story worthy of a winning contestant on the X Factor, if only I could sing!!!

(Well I think I can sing but I’m not entirely sure Simon Cowell would agree!)

Widowed at 42, I’ve subsequently single handedly raised two sons, now I’m coping with the aftermath of having major surgery for bowel cancer and a complete re-plumbing of my internal digestive system, resulting in me needing an ileostomy bag and the cherry on the icing of the cake I’ve got 6 months worth of chemo to get through!

(A quarter of the way through as I type.)

Good Grief! As Snoopy might have said.

Yes it’s quite a lot to contend with but as I look around other people have different burdens to bear, few people get away with no hardships in their life.

Yesterday I had another appointment with my oncologist. He is happy with the way I am tolerating chemo so far. Side effects are there, particularly with my type of chemo I get tingly fingers when I touch anything too cold. It can be a tricky business just getting the milk out of the fridge for a cuppa! And I get sleepy, but things are bearable, you have to carry on.

Tolerating is an interesting word. And here are the alternatives …

Putting up with an auntie who gives a child a sloppy kiss at Christmas because it is accompanied by a shiny gift under the tree.

Conceding someone with dementia might be right because it keeps the peace.

Stomaching eating a quiche when you don’t like eggs because the person who prepared it prayed for the starving when they said Grace and it would be so rude to leave it. (True story!)

Enduring a cold wet winter’s day to watch a child play football and celebrating the joy of a goal well scored.

We learn to accept things because the alternative is being grumpy!

Now Andrew was a grumpy soul – he even had a Mr Grumpy mug to drink his tea from.

But I don't want to be grumpy (at least I don't today, although I confess I do have grumpy moments, they don't linger when I'm writing!)

One of my leaving gifts when I moved was a mug with Little Miss Fabulous on it. It has the words “Throw glitter in today’s face” on it too.

It has been the mug I’ve used every day since moving in with mum and dad while I wait for my house purchase to be finalised.

It is a mug that reminds me to sparkle, not just tolerate and put up with.

There is much to be thankful for.

Ok if you throw too much glitter around it could blow in your face and grit in your eye doesn’t help you see clearly, so for health and safety be a tiny bit careful but otherwise liberally sprinkle the sparkly stuff far and near.

Do good deeds for one another and shine in the darkest places, this world is so broken, but look out for the goodness, and if you fail to see it then be the goodness in your community.

Go beyond just tolerating if you dare to sparkle!

How do I stay positive? I try to see the glittery bits that twinkle and catch my eye, I smile and always try to make people laugh.

And my mug reminds me everyday!

Relationships

I had some lovely comments about my new blog post yesterday including one which said

            “not everyone has the relationship with words you do.”

It was an interesting phrase that got me thinking, can you have a relationship with something as abstract as words and language?

We tend to think of relationships being with other people, husband and wife, parent and child, friends and family. That very important interaction between people.

If we are fortunate our relationships grow and flourish as we get to know people on a deeper level and it truly enriches our lives.

So how about a relationship with a pet? I’m not a great animal person to be honest but I have many friends who love their animals dearly and they can become a huge part of a person’s family.

A relationship with a plant? Well it is living and breathing, my dad is outside now in the garden, tidying up the greenhouse and planting new seeds. Taking time and care to cultivate something new.

Youngest son was given a cacti type plant as a gift before going to university and looking after it has given him pleasure and a sense of fear when a leaf dropped off and he wondered what he should do. Would it die?

The loss of a relationship can be unbearable, the death of a person, pet or maybe even a plant.

So back to the abstract, my relationship with words. The way I like to play with them, tease them into pleasing sentences, getting the meter right in a poem so it flows.

And when I don’t sit and play with new ideas? I guess a little bit of me does die inside, an inner light dims and my eyes don’t give off as much sparkle.

Oh the fanciful ideas of a would be writer!!!! Hehehe

And what of the most important relationship of all? Our relationship with the creator of the universe – God, the Almighty.

Ah - now some might say that’s an abstract construct too!

But for me my relationship with God is real and growing, changing over the years, as all relationships do, developing to a deeper level and understanding as time and circumstances shape my experiences.

I’ve been through a lot of challenges recently but it’s in those tough times that all relationships really grow and God has once again become more real and tangible to me.

Maybe the comment I started with could have read

            “not everyone has the GIFT with words you do.”

Perhaps that would have made more sense, but then I wouldn’t have pondered and written so much today.

Ultimately I think all relationships are a gift and that includes all the types I’ve written about today.

That God wants to know us and be involved in our lives is a tremendous gift.

That another human being opens up and shares their lives with us is a humbling gift.

That an animal brings out the compassionate side of us is an amazing gift.

That we care enough for the world that we want to take time to make plants grown and thrive is a green-fingered gift to the planet!

And my relationship with words? I hope it is a gift to you and I know it’s a gift from God that fills me with much joy.

So what gifts and relationships do you have that bring you joy? 

Perhaps ponder how you can grow and develop them today!

Lent Challenge 2019

Once more I’ve set myself a challenge and once again, I’m not sure I can keep it up! Always a dreamer, a starter of something new but rarely a finisher, I’m too distracted by something new and shiny!

Anyway, my challenge to myself was to share old blog posts on Facebook throughout Lent, it seemed at the time a bit easier than the idea of giving up chocolate for 40 days.

I’ve written lots in the past and much of it about my faith and those are the things I feel I should share. I’ve learnt much over the years and it’s good to remind ourselves of previous lessons. Life is so often cyclical and we do have a tendency to make the same mistakes – it’s not just me, is it?

Old habits die hard and I guess that’s what Lent is about – examining ourselves and creating new routines that are hopefully more honouring to God and the ways he calls us to walk in.

As I said I’ve written much in the past but I am aware of many words roaring around my head that I need to get down.

A lot has happened in the past few months and tor those who don’t know, I will get to that another day as I unpick my deep thoughts.

I suppose ultimately my goal is to write more and get back into the writing habit, it is what I feel “called” to do.

Sounds a bit pompous, foolish even – why should my words matter?

In a lot of ways my writing is personal but I know in the past it has helped others and I do have a desire to see my words reach more people.

As part of my own personal lent devotions this year I sent for the Tearfund booklet Enough. Actually I thought it was a daily email drop but this is somehow better, having something tangible in my hand to flick through.

Today’s reflection is entitled – Foolishness.

Foolishness – well I know all about that. I am the girl who does daft things, who slips over gracefully giggling in the mud while out walking with friends, who loves dressing up and acting out Bible stories in school assemblies. I’m typically self-deprecating, I dye my hair bright pink, I love Jesus, I write silly stories and poems to make my friends laugh.

I’m “mad as a box of frogs” as one of my friends would say!

I guess my moto is life is too short to NOT be foolish.

So today’s Tearfund devotion starts with Isaiah 1:17

            “Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed.

            Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.”

Obviously the second sentence is something very close to my heart, those words are a reminder of how God wraps me and my boys up in his loving arms. We have been blessed by many prayers and gifts since Andrew died that have upheld us and made us strong.

My boys amaze me every day by how they have grown into wonderfully caring and considerate young men. I am so blessed.

And the best thing to do with the blessings we are given is to in turn bless others.

The Tearfund devotion ends today with a Franciscan benediction, which finishes with these words…

“may God bless us with enough foolishness to believe that we can make a difference in this world, so that we can do what other’s claim cannot be done.”

In writing these words to share, is it foolishness, is it a blessing to others? Sometimes you just have to put thing out there, sow some seeds and see where they fall and how they grow.

If we don’t try to make a difference then we never will.

So I shall endeavour to keep up my writing and reposting challenge as we go through lent and see where it leads.

It really is a better plan than giving up chocolate – now where did I put the chocolate biscuits?