Wise Words on the Wall

I’m sitting typing my words in my parents’ conservatory. I’ll be moving out soon into my new house and I will need to find a new favourite writing spot but this one has served me well as I have got back into the habit of tapping my thoughts out on the laptop keys.

There are some wise words on the wall of this sunny room.

They resonate with the flash fiction stories I have posted about time over the weekend.

“To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.”

This has been an interesting season for me, moving, having major surgery, recovery, chemo – so much to take in and process. It takes time and I have tried to remain positive.

“Always look on the bright side of life.”

I don’t want to be gloomy.

The second quote is a song lyric is from The Life of Brian, an irreverent take on the life and crucifixion of Christ. And a song my dad has said he wants played at his funeral – actually I think it is a fairly popular choice being upbeat, life carries on.

But the first quote is from Ecclesiastes – possibly one of the most depressing books of the Bible with another quote being “Everything is meaningless.”

Solomon who wrote the words of Ecclesiastes was a wise king so how can he come out with such a bold depressing statement?

Personally, such a statement makes me want to rebel – just look at the sunshine, look at the flowers, the birds I see from the window just sitting here. Think of the good things going on in the world.

Ok sometimes we have to search harder to find the good stuff, you only have to turn on the TV to see news about supposedly meaningful votes and meaningless petitions – but let’s leave those thoughts remaining in a space far from here!

But Solomon has got it right we are dust and whatever you believe about what comes next out earthly bodies will decay.

Solomon takes a more balanced approach that there is a time for everything, a time to laugh and a time to cry, a time to build and a time to tear down.

Yes I can try to be as cheerful as I like in front of people, putting on my sunny smile, but my sadness is often private and rarely shared. I do remember tears as I lay in my hospital bed coming to terms with all that had happened in such a short space of time. Further back I remember the sleepness night when Andrew died, dark thoughts running through my head. Probably two of the darkest periods of my life.

But that’s not where I want to dwell and maybe it’s that tiny tablet I take each morning that keeps my thoughts in the positive. I know from experience when I stop taking them my thoughts can spiral downwards.

Mental health is such a big issue at the moment and we all need to acknowledge that even on the sunniest of days a little bit of shade will fall.

 We need to remember there is a time to talk and also a time to listen.

A time to look on the bright side but also a time to be real and challenge the status quo.

So many thoughts in my head and so much going on in the world but let’s just be kinder to each other in this season where much seems meaningless and perhaps together we can look on the bright and sunnier side of life!

STUCK, SILENT & STUBBORN

I feel STUCK in so many ways…

Firstly as I stare at this blank page in front of me I wonder how I am going to fill it. I’m trying to catch my ideas and pin them down but they fly off in all directions.

But I know deep down that writing may be profitable, it will help me align my thoughts and perhaps allow me to move forward.

The biggest sticking point is, as it ever was, the house!

If you had told me when Andrew died that I would still be living here five years on I truly would have wept.

I love my house dearly, it is our forever family home but circumstances have changed to a point where it is no longer fit for purpose. It far exceeds adequate, therefore I desperately need to move to somewhere smaller and more manageable. It is more of a burden than a pleasure to live here.

I was out shopping yesterday and when I returned home I checked my mobile, I never hear it ring if I am out, and discovered I’d missed a call from the estate agent.

Calmly I put the kettle on and made a cup of tea before I rang them back.

“Was it still possible to be moved before Christmas?” I pondered as my mind raced ahead imagining a potential buyer had found the money and was ready to proceed.

Of course it wasn’t anything as exciting. They were updating their records and wanted my email address. Sounds to me like they were bored in the office and made up something to do to pass the time.

The housing market is as dull and dreary as a wet Wednesday in winter!

I receive Bible readings as an email every day and some days I even open and read them! 

Yesterday’s was called “Get into place!” Well how could I resist reading that one?

I desperately want to know where I should be and what I should be doing. To be honest I am STUCK in a rut in more ways than one, so aware that there is more out there that I have yet to grasp or comprehend.

‘Get into Place!’

18 November 2015

‘There was not a man to till the ground.’ Genesis 2:5 KJV

The Bible says, ‘The Lord God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was not a man to till the ground.’ At the beginning of creation God caused a mist to come up from the earth and water the ground. Up until that time there had been no downpour from the heavens. That’s because there was nobody to do the prep work and ‘till the ground’. There’s a spiritual lesson here! There are things God has planned to do, made provision for, and desires to do – but He won’t until you ‘get into place’ where you can receive what He longs to give you. The blessing is there, safe in God’s keeping. The need is there, persistent in its pain. But the blessing can’t come until your heart is in the right place for God to act. Right now you may be enjoying a ‘mist’, but you know God has more for you. You’ve a frustration that causes you to say, ‘Why am I not further along?’ Rather than blaming people and circumstances, you need to pause, look up, and ask, ‘Lord, are You waiting for me to get into place?’ When you ask that question, be prepared to hear the answer and obey it, even if it means rearranging your priorities and paying the price to receive what God wants you to have. What does He want you to have? Not a mist, but a downpour! He’s willing and ‘able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us’ (Ephesians 3:20 KJV). But first you must ‘get into place’.

                                                                                         Word for Today -18th Nov 2015

The answer in the text above is predictably to take your burdens to God and pray “are You waiting for me to get into place?”

Of course place is not just geographical, if it were I would be stuck until the housing market picks up, which as it stands could be FOREVER!!!!

I do need to come before God and ask what He would have me do but I find praying on my own so difficult and I confess I don’t do it often enough. I honestly can’t remember the last time I really poured out my heart to God with my own personal petitions.

It’s been five years since Andrew died, I feel my life is STUCK, every time I get proactive trying to move my life forward it feels as if a door slams in my face.

I have come to equate each slam of the door as a sign from God I should WAIT. The timing is just not right. One day a door will open but not now. I keep taking the wrong turn and trying the wrong door handles.

I worry if I really pray that heartfelt prayer God will be SILENT. I will get NO answer and still be here treading water and waiting for the echo of the final door slam to die away….

So I dig my heels in and shake my STUBBORN head. It's better to bury my head in the sand than cope with the painful silence.

This is obviously how it has to be, if God wanted my life to be different He could change it!

I’ll admit it’s not a great attitude.

As I see it I have 3 choices.

I could sit and wait forever until something gives, all the while feeling sorry for myself or I could run around chasing my tail trying to make things happen and getting more and more frustrated in the process of busyness.

But somehow I’ve got to choose option 3 and fit God into the equation and ask Him properly what I should do instead of second guessing His great plans.

It sounds clichéd and stale. I'm sure I've written this before....

This week’s Open the Book school assembly was a story called “A Long Journey” about the Israelites wandering in the wilderness.

No wonder my own story sounds clichéd, I am not the first person to walk in circles, not listening properly and being STUBBORN. Ignoring the good things God has provided and moaning instead.

My wise friend told me “God is our hope and He will keep you SUSTAINED until the time is right.” 

Of all the words I’ve highlighted today beginning with S – maybe SUSTAINED is the best.

It doesn’t mean an easy life or that everything will go your way but SUSTAINED is a soothing word. It keeps you going when times get tough.

Maybe that’s what I need to remember at this time.

I need to make time and space to really seriously pray, believing God will listen. Perhaps he will be silent but maybe if I listen hard for more than 5 seconds I will hear something that will keep my going and lead me a few steps further on so I am in the right place to receive His promised blessings.