Third Row Back, With Chocolate

 Today is World Poetry Day, so it’s only fitting I should write a poem.

This come from a conversation with the rector on Tuesday evening after I was once again nominated/coerced into leading a small group at our lent course. I really don’t mind and I like to think I have the skills required, even when some of the theological debates are a bit beyond me. I certainly don’t have all the answers.

When I left, he said “thank you” and I answered “I will get my reward in heaven.”

“Third row back, with chocolate!” was his flippant retort.

It was too good a line to be thrown away, so it is the title of this poem.

One day two of Jesus’ disciples, James and John, ask to sit beside Jesus in Heaven, they believed, they were worthy of such a great honour. (or maybe their pushy mother did, it depends which gospel you read - look up Mark chapter 10 and Matthew chapter 20).

Jesus replied they didn’t know what they were really asking for.

Is three rows back with chocolate also an audacious ask?

Jesus also tells a parable of the guests where he says it is better to take the lowest seat available. If the host asks you to move closer to the top table you will be honoured but just imagine how embarrassing it would be to be asked to move further away, giving up your seat for someone more important. Shameful!

But then remember that Jesus tells us to love our neighbour as we love ourselves – nothing is ever straightforward in the kingdom of heaven, everything is so topsy turvey.

 

So with these confusing thoughts bubbling in my head here is my poem… which could easily be about any relationship with someone we admire and wondering where we fit into the pecking order. You could even read as something quite dark, like a bar of bitter chocolate, maybe it's about obsession?  But it was written from a light and happy, Dairy Milk kind of place, with apologies to anyone who has given up chocolate for lent - hehehe!

 

Third Row Back, With Chocolate

 

I don’t need a red carpet

Or to be at your right hand

A crown, would be too heavy,

I hope you understand.

 

I’d be happy sitting three rows back

A box of chocolates on my knee

Just to catch a glimpse of you,

Hope no one tall’s in front of me!

 

Yes, the glamour might be welcome

Could I live with the fame?

The rich adoration

Everyone knowing my name.

 

With a hint of anonymity

Let me be humble to the end.

I just long to be included

And for you to call me friend.

 

The start of Lent

 

This is one of my favourite cartoon about lent - those forty days between Shrove Tuesday and Easter when you are "supposed" to give up something to mirror the forty days Jesus spent in the wilderness.

But there is another idea that you take up something productive instead and my plan this year is to write something everyday.

Ha - that should be easy as I proclaim "I am a WRITER" but you would be surprised at just how many days pass when I don't write a single thing, not even a to do list.

Last week when planning for Frogs (Friends of God - our kids club after school on Friday's for primary aged children) we decided to tell them the story of Jesus in the desert and explain Lent in a child friendly way.

Great idea but it is one of those stories that rarely appears in a child friendly Bible. So I've written my own version...

It includes many things that weren't actually around in Jesus' time, which deliberately led to some discussion, especially as some of the things I've added could be ideas of things to be given up - sweets, chocolate, screen time. They also caused much hilarity, and it's always important to have some fun.

The Temptation of Jesus

After Jesus was baptised by John he went into the desert. To a place far away from anyone, there were no people to talk to, no friends to laugh with, no shops to buy food, no phone signal or Wi-Fi.

He did miss his food – he fasted for forty days and nights – that means he didn’t eat ANYTHING. There wasn’t even a forgotten bar of chocolate of lonely jelly bean in the bottom of his rucksack to munch on. He got very hungry.

So what did he do all day? Maybe he drew pictures in the sand, build sandcastles, invented the sandwich!

He probably spent much of his time talking to his dad, God. Maybe he asked him why he’s been grounded and had all his privileges taken away.

But whatever he did or thought about he must have been VERY HUNGRY – forty days and nights is a long time.

One day the devil turned up in the desert looking for Jesus, maybe he looked like the serpent in the story about Adam and Eve. Perhaps he arrived in an ice cream van – an ice cream would be so delicious on yet another hot and sunny day.

Or he could have just been a nagging voice in Jesus’ head tempting him.

“If you really are God’s son you can turn these dry rocks into bread, add a topping and make a pizza!”

Perhaps for just a second Jesus considered it, a slice of pepperoni pizza covered in lovely melted cheese – yummy!

But he said out loud, nice and clearly “NO!”

“People cannot live by bread alone – it is more important to live by God’s words and do the things he says.”

The devil didn’t like this answer, and found a way to use God’s words to his own advantage.

He whisked Jesus away to Jerusalem, and they balanced on the highest tower of the temple.

“Throw yourself down from here, God says in his word that he will send his angels to protect you. Maybe they will conjure up an enormous marshmallow for you to land on or whizz by in a spaceship and beam you up on board. You will not even scrape your big toe on a rock.”

Once again Jesus said “NO!” to this tempting offer, although the spaceship sounded fun.

“God says we are not to put him to the test.”

By now the devil was getting desperate for Jesus to give up this holy desert life so he brought him to a mountain top where he could see all the kingdoms of the world laid out like a giant computer screen, shiny and glittering.

“Imagine the power of ruling all of this empire, I can give it to you with a click of my fingers, IF, you only bow down and worship me!”

“NO, NO, NO NO!” Jesus was getting fed up of the devil’s games. “Don’t you know the word of God says you must only worship him, not power and glory for yourself. Not chocolate or pizzas or spaceships or computer games. And certainly NOT worship you. Get out of here, stop tempting me to do what’s wrong.”

And so the devil slunk away on his belly in the dust, or maybe popped like a speech bubble into nothingness.

Jesus was still hungry and tired but he had won.

At the end of the story I told the kids I was planning to write something every day and said they could challenge me to include some strange things in next week's story. If you thought the devil driving into the desert in an ice cream van was weird, things might get even stranger in the next few weeks!

What DOES Jesus look like?

 Anyone watching the latest series of Killing Eve?

Hopefully I won’t give away any spoilers but I want to start by thinking about the visions Villanelle has of Jesus.

For those who have never watched the show or have no idea what I’m writing about I shall give a brief resume.

Villanelle is a psychopath, a ruthless killer who works for a shadowy organisation as an assassin.

Her dress sense is incredibly flamboyant and for a murderess there is something endearing about her, she seems a little lost, in need of mothering but I don’t think she would make a good daughter or a faithful best friend. She would put you on her hit list if you just looked at her in a funny way.

The fourth and final series begins with her “finding God” wanting to prove that she has turned over a new leaf. She uses her extensive charms to join a church, even moving in with the kindly vicar of the parish. She is desperate to get Baptised, for all the wrong reasons, and actually belong to something good for the first time in her life.

This is when she starts to see visions of Jesus, her own version of Jesus, Jesus in drag.

To be honest I’ve avoided looking up any reaction to this but I suspect there is some outcry from the more conservative quarters that this image of Jesus is blasphemous. I’m sure if this series was on the BBC at a specific time rather than streamed on iPlayer it might have got more reaction.

However, I take a different view as I think we all have a tendency to make Jesus in our image to suit ourselves and make Jesus relatable.

The Victorians were fond of portraying Jesus as white with glowing blonde hair and clear crystal blue eyes and that image has pretty much stuck for many people.

One day on our church Facebook page I dared to post an image of Jesus that was black and someone got very upset about it. But each culture has their own idea of what Jesus/God looks like, basically we like to make Jesus someone we can identify with, usually with our own colouring and style.

Ethiopian Last Supper (anonymous)

Peace, Be Still by James He Qi (1998)

No one knows what Jesus really looked like as there are obviously no photographs from that time but one of the the best approximations I’ve seen is this image by child prodigy Akiane Kramarik, amazingly she was only 8 years old when she painted this! WOW!

Prince of Peace

Then there is this model by Richard Neave which never claims to be Jesus but a representation of what a Jewish man of that time and place might look like. It is far removed from the the blonde haired image we so often see.

Model by Richard Neave  2001

Jesus might not look like us but if we are made in God’s image then each of us displays something of God and his son Jesus in our essence. The family resemblance is not in looks but something in our personality - our caring nature, our creativity, the sense of justice or wonder we possess, the ache of compassion, the joy we experience seeing a sunset or hearing good news.

I refuse to be offended at Villenelle’s vision and likewise didn’t get upset when my bother bought me a dancing with Jesus bobbling figurine at Christmas. Was it a present meant to provoke a reaction? It just made me laugh, as I’m sure God does when we often get things wrong in a crazy way, not when we do something blatantly sinful on purpose.

Our own childish view of Jesus is like a child’s stick figure drawing. Perhaps God has hundreds and thousands of these images stuck on his giant fridge and each day as he passes he smiles benevolently at our crude likenesses.

I’m sure God has a sense of humour and can take a joke far better than the rest of us and see the funny side when it doesn’t mean harm. God has broad shoulders and one day we will see him face to face and perhaps then he (or she) really will have the last laugh at our shocked faces.

A long time ago on a blog post far far away I wrote this poem called Jesus is an Action Man - if you enjoyed this you might like this too CLICK HERE to read it.