Pondering, Plotting, Planning, Procrastinating

 I sent a message to youngest son

“Today I created my very first excel spreadsheet.”

This was his reply.

Which did make me laugh because, as a computer geek, he is a lover of spreadsheets, so much so I even bought him this mug for Christmas one year.

My spreadsheet wasn’t filled with numbers and complex mathematical equations but with a plot outline for my novel.

A few months back I decided writing my story as a memoir was a bit like piloting a minisub through rice pudding (one of Andrew’s favourite sayings) and as I have never liked rice pudding, I decided I needed a dramatic re-think to move things forward if I ever wanted to complete the project and get a book written, let alone published.

After much pondering I have chosen to write the tale of a young widow in her first year of grief as a novel, rather than writing a true story. My protagonist goes through some of the same things I did and I will still draw on my emotions and experiences which I wrote about at the time in my blog. The rawness of my writing from then will be invaluable source material.

However, the story is NOT about me, I have left some bits out, changed real people for made up characters and embellished much of it. I’ve already written 16,000 words – which sounds impressive, but I'm at the stage where the doubts creep in. I find myself floundering as I realise there are things I want to change at the start and I’m reticent to continue, it feels as if I’ve wandered a bit too far from the original path and lost my bearings.

What’s required is a map, something tangible to direct me, a proper structure to build on. I need to work on the plot, it’s all too fluid, bouncing around in my head, it requires taming and I have never really mastered this bit of the process before.

I reached the same point with The Girl in the Yellow Dress and The Book of Esther and admit I gave up. Hopefully one day I will go back to them because I know they are both too good to completely throw away. I believe they are worth finishing. As is this latest novel idea. 

This is when I usually start pondering... 

Is plotting just another way to procrastinate? 

Will planning take me away from the all important business of actually writing?

The writing had already stalled so I reasoned I'd got nothing to lose and with renewed confidence and purpose, I sat in the garden the other week, enjoying the sunshine and creating some character mind maps. I’ve already ditched some characters in the process, which feels right even though it means I will need to delete a few thousand words before I start writing again. I always think I know my characters well but then discover if I push too hard, they fall apart like a wobbly tower of Jenga blocks. They don’t have solid foundations or backstories.

Today I’ve produced my spreadsheet of the main plot details in some semblance of order, when different characters appear and how that moves the narrative on. The structure, while not set in stone, will give me a bit more of a framework to hang the finer details of the story onto. I have found my way forward, at least for now until I come up against another hurdle, which I invariably will.

But for now I’m quite excited, I feel as if I really have excelled myself today – or maybe it’s just procrastination as a way of avoiding the housework? But that, as they say, is another story entirely…