Saturday, 2 May 2020

A time to write and a time to mend

This time last week I relocated into my seldom used dining room for a change of scene and an excellent online Zoom writing workshop led by Natalie Scott - you can find out more from her website Pen Power.

I was definitely in need of a change of pace, a change to the monotony of this lock down life, it's getting dull staring at the same walls all the time. This workshop gave me permission to both write and reflect. In many ways it was also a spiritual experience, as I spent time reassessing and getting my thoughts in order.

To be honest I didn't get a great deal of writing done, for most of the afternoon I read over my old story about the girl in the yellow dress - maybe someday soon I will continue the story, I feel we all need a bit of escapism,

The highlight of the day was connecting with new people and listening to the work they had produced, some about the wildlife spotted in this season and a charming piece about falling in love with a Swiss cheese plant and watching it's new leaf unfurl.

Right at the start we were set 3 short free writing exercises, basically you take the prompt and just keep scribbling away whether your words make sense or not for a set time, we did 3 minutes on each.

The three prompts were

  • For me today is...
  • I notice...
  • So I will...
As I read back over my thoughts I took the ideas and wrote this poem.


Today is…
Mine – all mine!
Time to indulge my passions.
Remember;
plans on hold
will one day
become plans released -
set free!
Scribbling relentlessly,
I notice…
I am reaching,
stretching
for a colourful future,
sunflower bright and golden.
So I will… sew!
Stitch by stitch,
a jigsaw, mosaic, collage of scraps
and lost words emerges.
It’s all about mending!


These are unprecedented times, as the news keeps reminding us, and we are beginning to imagine what the world could look like when we have recovered.

The thought the occupies me the most is that there will be a lot of brokenness, lives shattered that need piecing back together and I hope that is reflected in my writing.

After all I know what it is to be broken, being widowed at 42 and then having bowel cancer at 50 has not only left me with inevitable scars both visible and unseen, but hopefully a resilience that maybe I can use to help people mend when this is over.

It's a tall order and an immense task to heal the world, but as ever we start with the smaller pieces. Some have found comfort during the lockdown by doing jigsaws, many people sew, knit or bake - it's all creative, making something new for something smaller.

Let's all make something beautiful in words, music, wool or flour (if you can get hold of any!)


Stitch by stitch we will recover...

A joint effort - my mum knitted the squares, I arranged them and sewed them together!






Tuesday, 14 April 2020

WORDS when I was BORN – A prophesy?

It's been a while since I wrote anything, especially for my blog.

But I've been challenged this afternoon by a writing friend who shared a website showing which words first made it into print in the year you were born.

Click the link below to find words from your own birth year. There will be some surprises!

Merriam Webster - Time Traveller

I've taken as many words as took my fancy and woven them into the poem below.

Curiously CORONAVIRUS was on my list!

All words or phrases from the website have been typed in CAPITALS - with the exception of the title words, where CAPS are used for effect.


WORDS when I was BORN – A prophesy?

I was born in the year of BUTT-NAKED, BED-SHARING.
When DATA-MINING a DEEP SKY
                began to produce the FALSE COLOUR
                                of LIGHT POLLUTION.

It could have been the start of a PEACE DIVIDEND,
But UNAPPRECIATED, BACK-OF-THE-ENVELOPE calculations
                worked instead on SELF-DESTRUCT formulations.

It is CLUNKY to SPEAK OUT
UNTRENDY even –
                but when did I follow the curve?

CELLULITE, MORNING BREATH, CORONAVIRUS
each one MEGA deadly in their own way,
                all born in my birth year!

We’ve gone too far astray.
We need TOUGH LOVE.

Hand me the CORRECTION FLUID.
Pass me a BAND-AID.
Press the ALT KEY.

Let’s reset.
Let the EARTHRISE,
                a SQUEAKY CLEAN,
                                BABY BOOMLET,
                                                PEACE SIGN,

Of the NONCONFRONTATIONAL,
                INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH,
                                GREEN REVOLUTION!

               

Thursday, 30 January 2020

Bathtime thoughts – a Eureka moment!









Fizzy baths used to come in cubes
With scents like - lily of the valley.
The kind of gift you picked up,
Perfect for your granny.



Now there are bombs and cupcake shapes,
Peach Bellini, sugar frosted
Cosmopolitan and glittery
You’d open these quite happily
Delighted at such
a thoughtful gift…



But really what’s the difference?
They crumble just the same
As the cubes of yesteryear.
The ones you’d hide in the back of the wardrobe.
No one liked to be presented, 
with "old lady" gifts like these!


But now they're reinvented
For the modern world,
Pop one in the bath
And let the cocktail swirl!

Tuesday, 14 January 2020

Thinking the Worst


I’ve always considered myself to be an optimist but after this incident that happened over Christmas, I’m not so sure…

The boys and I been out for the day visiting family and now we were heading home, driving on the windy dark country roads.

(Co-incidentally the same roads as I drove on when Following Fog Lights, several blogs ago!)

All of a sudden, I hit something and braked sharply because whatever it was sounded like it had caused some major damage to the undercarriage and quite probably a flat tyre.

We all got out of the car to look.

Every tyre was intact and we were very puzzled. We’d all heard the noise and there was nothing on the road left behind us.

On closer inspection under the car I could see what I thought looked the size and shape of a concrete breeze block – I had to describe what one was to the boys because neither had heard the term before. It was wedged in tight and impossible to move.

After calling the breakdown service lots of thoughts bombarded my brain simultaneously,

1.     Why didn’t I see the offending object, after all it was big enough? On reflection I did spot it, too late. The problem with driving on dark roads is that you get dazzled by oncoming traffic so by the time I had registered its existence I was over the top of it! Phew - I’m not really a bad driver.

2.     How did a breeze block get in the middle of a road, should I call the police, was it a matter for them or should I wait until the breakdown truck had arrived? Fortunately, I waited but in my crazy train of thought I had already thought all of this through to the illogical conclusion of standing giving evidence at the trial of some rogue gang depositing concrete blocks on minor roads. My imagination knows no bounds – no wonder my dreams are so vivid.

3.     Who lived in the house we were parked outside of, had they spotted us, why didn’t they invite us in for a cup of tea? Or just check we were OK?

“Have we got anything to eat in the car?” Oldest son broke into my thoughts.

There was an emergency packet of mini cheddars in the glove box which he didn’t want. And chocolate he’s just got as a Christmas present which he also didn’t want – we certainly wouldn’t starve on this cold and wintery night.

Anyway, our rescuer wasn’t far away, about a 40 minute wait, so we’d been told.

I got back to thinking about what I would wear in court and my mind wandered to the interview on the radio talking about our traumatic ordeal!

The dashboard flashed up that the battery was low, we turned everything off except the hazard lights to conserve power – it really was like a disaster movie now. Cars whizzing past from both directions.

Except we refused to get out of the car for safety as my friends suggested when I texted them – “too cold!” was my excuse.

Besides not many parked cars get hit on country roads with their lights off and we were flashing away – on, off, on, off – and I reasoned we were on a straight bit of road quite visible to all who passed. But still ignored by the people in the house – perhaps they were away, or stuck on another road somewhere also a victim of the concrete block gang.

I didn’t worry about being hit but feared the worst about the state of my poor car. Of course, it would be a right off, and we’d end up arriving home on a flashing tow truck – on, off, on, off!

Then I’d have to go through the process of sorting out an insurance claim and getting a new car.

But I’d have my day in court and those rascals who had caused so much inconvenience would get their come-uppance!

The AA man arrived and a very nice man he was too, just like the old adverts used to suggest.

He took a look round and we showed him the offending article, I think I might have suggested calling the police but perhaps he didn’t hear.

He advised me to drive the car up a small ramp so he could take a better look and remove the foreign object.

Good luck with that I thought – Its concrete – I was convinced.

Until he removed a huge square of wood!

Now that wasn’t in the script.

“Fell off the back of a lorry,” he shrugged. An every day occurrence?  Certainly, something that was far more believable than a gang of breeze block thugs.

Was the car OK? He couldn’t see any serious damage.

He suggested I drive it to the next village while he followed in case there was a problem. We could stop there and complete the paperwork (a misnomer these days when it’s all done electronically on a tablet with an illegible finger squiggle signature).

To cut a long story short, everything was fine and we got home safe and sound.

My disastrous fantasies disappeared into the ether. No day in court, no drama, no new car, no ride in a tow truck.

Was I disappointed? I guess not really as everything slipped back into place and life carried on. Just a minor bump in the road of life.

But when did I get to be such a pessimist, thinking up the worst scenario?

I suppose after all I’ve been through very little surprises me these days, so much of my life has spiralled out of control, taking unexpected twists and turns. The word “straightforward” has not been in my vocabulary for many years.

I remember Andrew saying being a pessimist was best because there was something to celebrate when everything turned out ok.

I admit the optimist in me was always down hearted when my plans didn’t work out.

Ultimately it’s better to be pragmatic, somewhere in the middle, my internal train of thought running at a hundred miles an hour, thinking the incredible worst because it might make a good story, while externally exuding confidence that life has thrown a whole lot my way, I’m still standing and whenever the next “real” crisis hits – hopefully - I’ll be ready!



Wednesday, 8 January 2020

The Missing Piece


I didn’t have the best night’s sleep last night. I was awake between 4 and 5 ish listening to a book on audible (This is Going to Hurt by Adam Kay – very funny but a little bit rude, so not for the faint hearted. My old bookclub read it last year and a friend recommended the audible version read by the author.  He has a pleasant voice but I was giggling too much for it to be of any soporific value).

When I did sleep, I had the most peculiar and vivid dreams.

In the first one I somehow acquired a cat, unimaginatively, for me, I named it Cat-ling. (My brother has a cat called Catia and I used to have a penpal with a rabbit called Rabbit – not very strange and sadly all true!)

I think I might have rescued the cat, and on a whim, brought it home, I was certainly ill prepared for owning one. I had no food for it and no where for it to do its business. When I dragged myself out of bed the next morning, in my dream, I discovered it had pooped on the doormat by the back door.

I added litter tray and “new” doormat to my shopping list.

My sister-in-law and nephews were also in my house but I never did establish why.

The second dream took place in our first marital home and somehow Andrew was back from the dead. I definitely hadn’t gone back in time.

I discovered him preparing walls in the bedroom for re-decorating.

“What colour are you painting it?” I enquired. After all colour is my forte.

“Blue.” A bit avant guard for the man who painted the whole house Magnolia!

“But I can choose the shade of blue?” This was of course acceptable, I was thinking a muted blue grey colour, “I could even move back in with you if you like?” I dropped casually into the conversation.


Well he has been dead over nine years, I’m not sure if it would be more of a shock for me or him to be sharing a bed together after all this time.

I acknowledged I’d got rid of the wardrobes since he’d died and we’d moved, “but that will give us more space in here and we can get some new wardrobes and put them down stairs for our clothes.” (We had an upside down split level house, that really isn’t as weird as it sounds.)

I was obviously also acknowledging that the boys had moved on and we had space to play with.

It must have been about this point I woke up; it was almost 9am!

Pondering my night-time adventures, I wrote them down on Facebook – well why not get the opinions of my 200 or so friends. Or just 6 or 7 who wanted to join in the fun!

“What’s missing in my life?”

The responses were, I should get a cat – no chance – too much responsibility and looking around the kitchen I have no where for a litter tray!

Someone else suggested I’d been eating too much cheese, but casting my mind over what I ate yesterday I had NONE – unusual for me, does the lack of dairy in your diet also stimulate your sleeping brain?

No one so far has suggested I need a new man in my life – hahaha – good job I’ve given up with that fantasy then. Not quite sure where I’d fit him in – although I’ve not really utilised the loft space since moving in – something else to ponder when I can’t sleep!

So in conclusion - it will be just me, without a cat from now on. As if there was any doubt…

But I do need a new doormat by the back door, and a bit of paint on the walls might be nice – maybe in the end that’s ALL I’m really missing!


Friday, 3 January 2020

Winter Snowdrop

I seem to be writing mostly poems at the moment and today is no exception as I've been inspired by an old blog post about spying my first snowdrop.

I miss the snowdrops from the old garden, there are some bulbs planted here but as I put them in quite late in the year I'm still waiting and hoping they will appear at just the right time when I'm feeling low and in need of some cheer.

This time of year is bittersweet, in many ways winter is only just beginning, January and February can be so cold and relentless. However we've also just turned over a calendar for a new year, full of fresh possibilities.

Happy New Chapter...


Winter                 Snowdrop

Winter waits
icy tentacles
unbidden chill
freezing hearts     Timid snowdrop
                             fresh shoot
                             welcome arrival
                             pleasing hearts
Winter sunshine
fool’s gold
dazzling low
no thaw imparts    Defiant snowdrop
                             hidden jewel
                             earth awakens
                             new hope sparks




Sunday, 22 December 2019

About 2000 Years Ago


About 2000 years ago
There lived a man, his name was Joe
He was handsome, strong and good
His job was making things from wood

He had a girlfriend, she’s called Mary
One day she told him something scary
“I’m going to have a baby, Joe
God’s angel came and told me so!

“Don’t be afraid, the angel said”
Joe thought about this as he went to bed.
In a dream an angel told him too
So now he knew what he must do…

About that time there was a rule
The Romans (who were in charge) thought it would be cool
To send everyone back to the town they came from
Travelling on a journey that was very, very, very, very long……

At Bethlehem they searched for somewhere to stay
But the only option was a stable of hay
It was warm and cosy, a shelter from the night
And a star above shone clear and bright

The time was right, the son was born,
Wrapped in cloth to keep him warm.
The animals looked on in surprise
A miracle before their eyes!

Out in the fields some angels sang
The startled shepherds, almost ran
“Don’t be afraid, we bring great joy
God has sent a special baby boy.”

Well they shepherds had to go and see
This baby born for you and me
When they went through the stable door
They dropped to their knees in wondrous awe

Other visitors were on their way
Men from the east, a bit delayed
They went to the palace to see the new king
And plenty of gifts they did bring

King Herod was furious - he had a strop
But let’s not dwell on his wicked plot
The wise men followed the star above
And found the stable full of love

It’s getting crowded, but Mary just smiled
As everyone gathered to see her child
There’s still room for you, come bring your neighbour
Let’s worship the king, Jesus our saviour!

Nativity used in the Christingle service