I’m off to a
wedding this weekend, a friend on facebook has just announced she is engaged
and only last week my parents celebrated their fifty third wedding anniversary.
So, with
hands on hips and stamping my feet, I want to know when’s it my turn for a
little romance in my life?
Last week I
was at a new church course looking at our journey’s – mines been an interesting
one, up a few ladders, down far too many snakes and generally going in circles
and ending up exactly where I started, at least geographically.
Everyone on
the course was being really honest and most admitted their own “spiritual”
journey with God perhaps wasn’t so spiritual, we all fall far short and
generally struggle.
But more importantly
for me was when we got into smaller groups and got more personal. I had a
chance to talk about Andrew and remembered why I’d fallen in love with him in
the first place.
It's all too
easy, when being the positive "glass half full" girl that I usually am, to
dismiss the past or at the very least remember all the bad bits. My new life needs
to be more hopeful than the old, so let’s colour the past in muted shades of
blue and grey.
Andrew
suffered with depression and was often hard work to live with, sometimes I
concentrate on those aspects of his character because it is then so much easier
to live without him.
I no longer have
to walk on egg shells, I can leave things in a mess without comment, I can dye
my hair all colours of the rainbow and squirt perfume to my heart’s content!
But I miss
that person to snuggle next to on the sofa (especially now youngest is back at
uni. He’s the best TV companion, in a lot of ways even better company that his
dad in that respect).
I miss
someone special to hold hands with and share adventures, even the little ones
walking around the garden. I miss having quirky “in” jokes and being made to feel
like the most important person in the room.
It was
always my plan, once I’d moved, to try online dating. Hmmmm – I did try it a
few years back but had very little success, actually I was probably only on it
for about a week then asked for my money back! Hahaha.
The cancer diagnosis
and chemo put the breaks on things but now I am all clear I have a new lease of
life. And a new attitude too.
Life really
is short, I am only 51, reasonably attractive and honestly I think I’m a good
catch, even with the scars and baggage! I am a survivor.
I’m cautiously
excited at the prospect of meeting new people, I might actually go on a date
this time and not run away and cancel my subscription.
I’ve paid up
for 3 months – well there was this nice-looking man who seemed perfect and if I
wanted to find out more, I needed to join properly and part with my cash.
I sent a “like”
to show I was interested – he’s been online since but never responded. I “liked”
someone else’s profile and so far no response from him either…. Oh well I’ve waited
this long, I might as well hang around for the “right” one to come along! Its their
loss!!!!
One of the
things I hated about online dating last time was how judgemental you become of
profile pictures; you can so easily dismiss someone because their nose is too big
without really finding out what their personality is like.
This time I
have a new plan.
I’ve
remembered what made me fall in love with Andrew, he wasn’t the handsomest of
men, his hair was slightly scruffy and his dress sense was actually quite
shambolic but he had really kind eyes, a killer smile and wicked sense of humour.
So let’s
start with those qualities and see where it takes me….
Love is in
the air at the moment – let’s just hope its infectious and I catch a jolly good
dose of it!
